A few years ago we published Shelf Life – a book about packaging with funny/smutty names which Paul and I, together with friend Rosie Walford, collect from various trips around the world. Big bland megabrands may be spreading all over the world, but, thank god, there’s also real local products that don’t give a damn how we English speakers might interpret their names. Here’s a great review that just been written by Dylan Tromp which name checks the key players:
“Take a break from the Rush for the Next Fix and all the Mental Hype about the next Hit. Leave behind all the Muecas Puke and Kalas Plopp, every Skum, Basterd, Lozza, Slag, Prat and Dumle, all the Gits, all the Familie Guf and Chubi Käck Rasch. This book will help you to escape a whole Pile of Bum Bums. To get you started, it comes free with two Es, some Speed, one Tab, a packet of healing soothing Krack Cogagne and some utterly butterly delicious Amul. From the moment I opened the book, it really made me Grin.
For those who like to Toss (or Frigor for that matter), there is a whole section (although it may be rather too Rood and Lude for some readers) of SupaPorn, with a range of Nips and Tit Bits covering everything from the regular Bang Bang of typical Lay’s, to Blow Pop, Dorset Knob, Kex, Spunk/GSM and Herzgut Butter. This particular section has the Smellur of Sweat and is really a Perfect Plus Cream Fantasy of Cock Soup full of Horn for all the Noisy Screamers and everyone else who fancies themselves to be a Happy Sugar Daddy or Chief Whip shining their Boots and Preen-ing themselves for the next Naked Date.
Bear in mind though that this might not be everyone’s cup of Hardon Tea. They may find it a bit Sico, Grizzly, Vile or Gross (Maybe I am a bit of a Fairy or Sissy Coco myself, but I must admit that even I found it a little bit Grosso). Some readers, especially if they are Lady Gay, might prefer a simple Meltykiss, a Divine Frisk or simply a quick Flirt with Mounds of Bra Mjölk and Boo Bee Juice (or for that matter a Flirt with any other part of the Love Body). Yes, a Climax to be found here for all you Fresh Fagg’s too.
But more than that, this book has medicinal benefits. Colon Citron worked Sparkles on all my SorBits (like Mysore Rose, for example) and helped a lot with my Fanny Granola problem. My FannyFlow, which used to be just a Squirt of Nikka Whisky is now a steady Golden Stream from my Ass Bock.
This book is Chiky at times and Kocky at others. But the main author is no Schmuck and the result is definitely not Corny. Indeed, this book embodies a kind of ‘Hope Commerce’ full of lots of Trick Invisibles. Reading it helped me to take my mind off Prison and Wars, off the Nuk and Atum Bom and instead take a Happy Turn of Bliss on Dazzling Wings of Purity. This book will stay with you like a Very Inviting Perfume, and provide you with many life-changing Personality Puffs to share with your friends. It is indeed a book with a very long Shelf Life.”
Globalisation hasn’t – quite yet – homogenized our world!
‘Shelf Life’ (Rosie Walford, Paula Benson and Paul West, 2004)
Published by Bloomsbury Publishing, Hardback, 144 pages.
I think you can still get it from Amazon.